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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Had a troubled day..worried and petrified..I just realise that I have breached something and I might into get into deep shit if this has been found out. The question was..is there a breached? would it be traceable ?

I went home and I chanted..as I was fearful and helpless.tried hard to show any distress in case my super sensitive mom found out..

felt better after chanting..decided to read sensei diary given by Darren..I flip to bday date..sensei wrote about being reprimanded by toda sensei..thereafter..there was another entry when sensei wrote the word " bored" ..it just dawn on me how "humanly" sensei was.

decided to keep a record of my tots and feelings for each day..and hope to look back at all of this someday..

; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Wednesday, September 10, 2014 ♥




Sunday, July 26, 2009

I just found out that..the woman whom i tot i loved..broke up with the man she tot she love..i have no idea what went wrong..she seems to be upset for the breakup. I wonder what so great bout that son of the father..when she doesnt give a shit bout me.she rather give someone a chance to hurt her than to hurt someone who wouldnt think bout harming her. Anyway its all over..learn not to treat someone as ur priority when you are only an option. Why give up on the whole forest for merely a tree? I rather have someone who accept me for who i am than someone who may swept me off the ground..but dun give a shit bout of

; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Sunday, July 26, 2009 ♥





Its so hard to fall asleep sometimes..i wonder why. Im using my handphone to update my blog, thanks to wi fi..how cool is that? Lying on the bed..joting down my tots and feelings. Anyhow, it was lifeless saturday..i went for the croupier interview this morning..i think i din really fair well..but they seems desperate for numbers..maybe they take me? Anyhow i went home n took a short nap before goin to darren house for his baby first month gathering. And guess what..i stay at home the whole night..mind u its saturday night..just didnt have the mood to go out.My life is in a mess..i think its time to do something.

; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Sunday, July 26, 2009 ♥




Sunday, July 19, 2009

Megan
I also understand that with the beauty of this life there comes pain and despair. No one is immune. But consider what you have in your hands before you give it up. Don’t trade a treasure for an empty box.– Forever Knight


; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Sunday, July 19, 2009 ♥




Monday, May 18, 2009

Just came back from thailand and i cant help but to jot down my thoughts and feeling during my short stay in thailand with my group of friends.

Tot of writing downs all the details right from the first day..but i jus dunno where to start.

Anyhow..its really fun travelling with ur groups of friends..especially those u mix with all the time..so much fun together..who cares if pple think we some juvenlie young pple making losta noise but we have so much laughter doing weird n outrageous stuff.

it seems crazy but we party everynight..its all bout booze..lots of booze..RCA..girls. in case you do not know what the hell is RCA..its actually place where they are a handful clubs..a fav hunt for tourist like us..and young pple in thailand.

lots of mix feelings actually..during and after the trips.anyhow..its good to experience emotions like this..helps u think better..u gotta go with ur feelings n just do it...maybe u realise wad u really want might be wad u dun reallhy need..and maybe wad u really dun want might be what u are looking for.im talk crap for christ sake.

oh went watch Angel and demon with ivan and mingling..quite a nice show..althou i dun even know much bout vactican history and stuff but hey..i do enjoy the show..their history is so fasinating and the story actually talk alot bout religion and stuff and i quite like it. people are questioning god existence every single day. Maybe scientist can oneday prove that there is no god..but why should be care..the truth hurts..din we have fun..aint we happy enuff..why question on stuff that doesn't even matter, just be happy..be loved..be compassionate..have fun..thats all we need

anyhow..good to go..feeling tired...one hell of struggle ahead..make of break

; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Monday, May 18, 2009 ♥




Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Isn't she lovely?



Alot like love was nice! Ashton kutcher and amanda peet..she's really gorgeous. The show was hilarious..a bit of sweetness..and makes u feel so good..lots of twist and turn..but thank god they got together..if not i have to kill the director.
Friendship has been put to a test..anyhow..come what may..nothing i can do but learn to deal. And hopefully no more drinking..i like it but its time to stop.








; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Tuesday, February 24, 2009 ♥




Sunday, February 22, 2009
















Hasn't been blogging, well im back. I just pass all my module..which means i can finally obtain my diploma cert. I should be happy..but i wasn't..i know i could have completed earlier..anyway..fuck it.

Has been doing all the " wrong " things for the past few weeks. Anyhow this is a very private posting. So please dun read it..its a confession of a teenage trouble queen.lol

I took a stick last week, which i shouldn't have..it taste like heaven. Last night, i took another 3 stick..yes i am fucking guilty, but it was shiok man. The temptation did not left me at all.Times n times i resisted.Anyhow..i shall try to keep control my urge.

Speaking of urge, my sexual urge was pretty high this few weeks..in fact all the while it was there..(i have HSD)..it din help for the places i go..where temptation was all time high..i let my animal instinct ovverule me. Althou there wasn't any real activity gg on..i felted guilty for some reason.the ironic part is that i have no one but myself to account for what i have done..perhaps it got to do with my faith..but then again..being a pretty liberal human being..i do understand that im just being a man..having a humanly urge but i feel bad.

Maybe i should be playing the devil adovcate..im just being alive..there's no right or wrong and i shouldn't be judging myself..Life is short..we should be happy and at the same time "enjoy" life..haha..it aint easy to be a man.Alright..i hugged a woman last night..my hands was all over her body..she kept pushin me away..she played with my hands..i shall stop elaborating.Full stop

A man is just like an animal, the only thing that separate a man from an animal..is value.
Find that man, it just wasn't me.

Something to cheer..i always pondered over my sexuality..my doubt was over : )

; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Sunday, February 22, 2009 ♥




Sunday, February 01, 2009




Chingay is finally over!

After months of commitment..dragging myself for the meeting, together with my remodule and driving. Everything is finally over. I have no idea how did i fare but i dun feel good at all, perhaps its becos i din work hard enuff. But i definitely gain more than i lose.

Chingay was an eye opener, should have taken pictures of those performers.there were all kinds of costumes with striking colours,thats comes in different designs. Anyway, being a trainer for 1st time..it was definitely a good exposure for me althou i din do particularly well.



Today was the first time i organise a reunion dinner with my friends, i think it turn up fine..all thanks to my mom who prepare all the food.






Anyhow..after all that has been said and done.. i experience some mix feelings..a part of me felt empty, i cant be sure why i felted this way..i mean..i should be feeling good..technically.






As for my dear vanggie, i dunno what to do or say..just hope u be fine. I always know things like that will happened..becos nothing will turn up smoothly..becos u cannot take things for granted. You must learn ways to take care urself..in such a way that nobody can affect you becos you are prepared and u stand firm...and that u need nobody but urself to live the life that u want and be truly happy. I have no idea what the hell am i saying but if you happen to read this...learn to forgive and forget..whatever the outcome is. Because it takes a great man to forgive and a little man to point his finger to the man with his fault. : )

; la vérité ,
vous rendra libres at Sunday, February 01, 2009 ♥




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